40 Super ****ing Weird Insurance Claims

Here are 40 insurance claims that are super weird. Like, really weird.

If you’ve ever filed an auto insurance claim, you know there’s nothing very funny about it. Most of the time, the process involves red tape and paperwork, and sometimes it even results in a hike to your insurance premium. But auto insurance claims handlers occasionally find themselves processing claims that are a little more… interesting. These claims involve everything from cows to concussions, and they will leave you laughing.

Believe it or not, these lines were all taken from real auto insurance claims files:

1. A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.
2. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car
3. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
4. As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.
5. Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
6. I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.
7. I can’t give details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.
8. I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.
9. I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
10. I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.
11. I left my car unattended for a minute, and whether by accident or design it ran away.
12. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
13. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
14. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.
15. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
16. I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
17. We both went into a space at the same time and got jammed against the cars on either side. We were stuck fast and couldn’t open the doors and the fire brigade had to rescue us. It was very embarrassing – we had about a hundred people laughing at us.
18. One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator pedal, leapt across the road to the other side and jumped into the trunk of a tree.
19. Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.
20. Question: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?

Answer: Traveled by bus?

21. A family on vacation in England were in for a surprise when a parachutist landed on their rental car, destroying most of it.
22. The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:

Question: What warning was given by you?

Answer: Horn.

Question: What warning was given by the other party?

Answer: Moo.

23. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
24. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
25. My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
26. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
27. I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.
28. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
29. There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.
30. The water in my radiator accidentally froze at 12 midnight.
31. Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.
32. The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
33. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
34. I misjudged a lady crossing the street.
35. While proceeding through “Monkey Jungle,” the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in “Monkey Jungle” clutching radio aerial.
36. There was no damage done to the car, as the gatepost will testify.
37. I collided with a stationary tree.
38. If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.
39. The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.
40. I was taking a friend home and keeping two yards from each lamp post which were in a straight line. Unfortunately, there was a bend in the road bringing the right-hand lamp post in line with the other and of course I landed in a ditch.