We know what Donald Trump ACTUALLY drives. But what are the cars Donald Trump would drive if he was part of the 99%?
If you want to be fiscally responsible, you should spend between 10 and 20 percent of your income on your car every month. That means your car payment and your auto insurance. Gas, maintenance, and repairs will of course cost extra.
But if you’re Donald Trump, frugality isn’t your style. Why stop at 20 percent? Why not punt it up to 40 or 50? Heck, why not 60? Spending more than half of his income on a real showstopper sounds about right. The flashier the better. How else will people know that you’re rich? If you can’t be the alpha dog, you can at least act like one. You only have to act until your next amazing business idea takes off, anyway.
Here are 10 cars Donald Trump would drive if he made $70K a year:
This car may be too elegant for Trump’s taste, but the price is right for his spendthrift attitude ($43K with all the bells and whistles). Naturally the high-quality engineering and luxurious leather seats would appeal to him. And the convertible’s a no-brainer.
Speed, sport, and a great story to match? The Cadillac has Trump (and Hollywood glamor) written all over it. This ride is an icon, the same as Trump wants to be. Plus, with a price starting at $38K, it’s already more than half of his hypothetical $70K income.
This car is spacious enough to fit all of Trump’s ex-wives. With a base price of about $30K, it’s slightly more economical than the previous rides, but that’s in part because it doesn’t come with rear-wheel drive. Leave it to Trump to not care about what we can’t see.
This car looks far more expensive than $30K. It’s fancy commercial fancy. It’s fancy ski vacation fancy. It’s Trump fancy. This baby has heated seats to toast Trump’s buns (which need roasting) and quick acceleration, so he can put the pedal to the metal faster than he’ll put his foot in his mouth at his next speaking engagement.
Do only jerks drive BMWs? Maybe, but one thing is for certain: If Trump were driving a BMW, he’d be a jerk and the sporty car would have nothing to do with it. This sleek ride has a convertible option, so of course we know Trump would take it. The base price is about $34K, but Trump could get away with saying he paid a lot more for it and there’s a passionate group of people who would believe him.
The moment this car pulls into your line of sight, you think RICH, so Trump can check that off his list. But the Mercedes-Benz CLA-class has a little secret: it has an itty-bitty, absolutely tiny, some would say microscopic, wheelbase. You think Trump might be able to commiserate because of his not-so-secret tiny thing? He’d pay a base price of $33K to have that kind of empathy.
The current generation of Impalas is so beautiful that Trump wouldn’t even care about the car’s reputation. (It’s not like he’s ever been one to know his history. Just ask him about the history of deportation or Vince Lombardi’s leadership.)
For a guy who desperately wants us to know what he’s carrying in his pants, this car delivers the perfect amount of, “I’m full of testosterone. Really!” The Mustang and its trademark sperm tail make it a sex symbol. Just like Trump wants to be, even if that will never be within the realm of possibility. A base price of about $25K means this car is more reasonably priced than it should be, but The Donald would never let that on.
Trump likes being the first at stuff, so it’s unsurprising that he’d lunge for the first fashionable but affordable four-dour coupe. The Volkswagen CC did what the Mercedes-Benz CLS could not: bring the four-door coupe style to a car with a base price of $33K. That’s the kind of insider’s knowledge Trump would relish having. After all, knowledge of any kind is sort of novelty for him.
Never mind that this handsome sports car starts at nearly $53K. It inspires such lust (a feeling Trump knows well), that if The Donald had an income of $70K, he’d throw all caution to the wind and throw down all of his credit cards. “Carpe diem, baby! I’m going to be president of the United States one day!”
Once he’s gotten the model down, Trump will probably opt for orange, even or especially if it means getting a custom paint job. You know, to match his tan.